ADRENALINE—MY DRUG OF CHOICE

The power surged through my veins and woke up my sleepy brain like a tidal wave over a helpless island. It washed away my sluggishness and awakened my killer instinct—it was war! And I intended to win it!

Unfortunately for me, my heart very quickly thereafter started a rapid tattoo in my chest and though my brain was awake, the rest of me felt the earth shift beneath my feet. I knew I would sliding down into unconsciousness if I didn’t quickly get a deep breath! It could only end in an embarrassment if I didn’t immediately get control over my body.

I was once again in court—the forbidden place my doctor ordered me to resist until he could get a diagnosis as to why my heart was doing a tap-dance in my chest every time I began to engage in battle. Silly doctor, I knew the cause—ADRENALINE—my dearest friend, and now sworn enemy.

Any lawyer who spends their days in court knows the steady diet of a special drug to which we all become addicted—adrenaline. It boosts our power and makes us into “super lawyer—ta da ta da!” while taking away our appetites, driving us to eat sugars and fats, and making us crave caffeine. After more than twenty-nine years in the arena is there any doubt that I was addicted to adrenaline?

But, now, the long decades of depending on my favorite drug and its attendant diet choices were taking its toll. I could no longer exercise my way out of its grip, and could no longer tolerate its affects. It was destroying me, and possibly my heart.

It was time to quit—but cold turkey? Could I really quit, walk away forever? Or could I manage my adrenaline and still got to court? I don’t know. That is the question and I begin my quest to either conquer my addiction, or walk away from my profession forever. . .

As they say—stay tuned. 

HEART MONITORS and TRANSITIONING

by Mary de la Pena, author of 

SCRUGGS and SAMANTHA, How a Shelter Dog and Kitten Saved Cinderella's Marriage

The itching located on my right abdomen just beneath my bra was driving me crazy. That was almost overshadowed by the burning pain on my right collar bone. Only twenty-three minutes into a 24 hour torture of wearing a portable heart-monitor and the leads to device were making me a basket case.

GET THESE THINGS OFF ME NOW!

Mind you, it wasn’t the actual monitor, or even that the doctors were still trying to find my heart that I kept telling them the California State Bar required I leave by the door in order to get my Bar Card to practice law, it was my dire allergy to the adhesives used to connect the monitor to my body.

AAARRRGG! Twenty-three hours and thirty-seven minutes to go. . .

Scratch, scratch, scratch, tap, tap, tap, don’t disturb the leads Mary Jo.

How was it that I found myself now in a position of going from one doctor to another as they tested me and prodded me to find out why I was so tired and why my heart was doing rapid salsa dancing in my chest?

Come on, really?

For those of you have ever had to stand in front of a crowd and give a speech, only to feel the floor drop out from beneath you. Or let’s say you have just seen a horrible accident and wondered how you could help, only to be tortured by dreams for days. Or, a favorite friend or loved one finds themselves in desperate trouble and turns to you for help with the burden of finding a way to help them on your shoulders, that, my friend is what being a practicing criminal defense trial attorney is like on daily basis.

Now, after more than twenty-eight years in the courtroom, my body is finally giving out, and no longer willing to take the stress, never mind the steady diet of adrenaline, caffeine, sugar, and fats.

But, I try not to despair, as I transition to a better life and lifestyle. I am trying yoga—does my body really bend that way? Donuts, caffeinated coffee, diet soda, and red meats are no longer my friends and comfort. But, I do have kale, broccoli, fresh green beans, and I am becoming extremely fond of Sabra Hummus.

And, the brightest light of all as I transition to a new life is that I get to spend time with my beloved dogs—Fina and Scruggs; my cats—Samantha and Boo Bear; and of course my dear husband Prince Charming. I also get to spend more time with my favorite fictional characters of my books—Detective Jake Swanson, Melissa Sanchez, and new ones Kelly Landrieu, Prax Desmett, and Jason Carson.

Hmm, so as I itch, scratch, tap and try to be patient, I decide that maybe this transition won’t be so bad—once this damnable heart monitor is removed!

TRANSITIONING IS A BITCH!

by

Mary de la Pena, Esq. also writing as M.J. Hatch

It pulled me from a deep slumber, the sharp pain crushing my chest, spreading up to my throat and grabbing my jaw in a death grip. From there it spread down through my upper abdomen to my groin area, leaving my body in writhing pain.

Holy Christ! Was this the big one?

I tried to breathe through the pain, taking deep breaths, holding them and letting them out slowly. But no matter how much I tried to control my breathing it didn’t help. I took in the air as gasps and let it out in groans. The pain would not be appeased by my lowly attempts to control it with breaths.

I NEEDED AIR!

I staggered out of bed, only to be met with a wave of nausea, my undigested diner from the night before catching in my throat.

“What are the symptoms of a heart attack in women?” I kept asking myself as I staggered to my computer.

A quick perusal of http://Symptomfind.com I found an article by Dr. Tom Iarocci  from October 11, 2013, which gave me the list of symptoms which include:

• ·         Angina: pain, discomfort, pressure or tightness in the middle of the chest that lasts for more than a few minutes or goes away and then comes back; sometimes mistaken for heartburn
• ·         Pain or discomfort in upper body including arms, left shoulder, back, neck, jaw or stomach
• ·         Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath
• ·         Cold sweat or sweating
• ·         Feeling of indigestion, choking or heartburn
• ·         Nausea or vomiting
• ·         Feeling dizzy, light-headed or extremely weak
• ·         Feeling anxious
• ·         Rapid or irregular heart beats

Hmm, close, but was it really a heart attack?

As it turned out, it was a warning shot over my bow.

My heart was reacting to the unrelenting stress of trying to transition from my law practice into being a full time author. I was doing neither well, and the stress of underperforming was wearing on me and my body.

My choice was clear—leave the practice of law—or DIE!

Whoa! Really? The choice was that clear?

Transitions are never easy. The stress of making the choice to make the leap can be incapacitating. Leave what I have known for more than 28 years, a career in which I have been very successful, and jump into a pond with so many wide-eyed dreamers, but with so many broken hearts and broken dreams?  

Today I took the first step. I swallowed my pride and put the courts and clients on notice—I am DONE!  I can’t do it anymore.

Whew—I get cold sweats just thinking about it. But, my heart doesn’t race when I think about the future. My heart remains calm when I write, and most of all no matter how difficult the transition, the alternative when it includes dying is a BITCH!

KNOW THE EARLY WARNING SIGNS!