LOOKING AT MY CHOICES AGAIN

by Mary de la Pena, esq

marydelapena-author.com  delapenalawoffice.com

I am trying to be a good patient—really I am! I’m staying away from alcohol, mostly, except for maybe a half glass of wine two or three times a week. And, I am not only back in the pool exercising, but I am eating lots more fruits and vegetables—and a donut has not passed my lips in weeks!

See, Doc? Really, I’m trying!

This was the conversation I was having with my very concerned internist who had been my family’s doctor for more than two decades. But, somehow he wasn’t buying it.

Hmmm, could it be the backsliding? You know, the backsliding of going back to court and dipping into the adrenaline stream—should I tell him?

I hesitated just long enough for him to guess.

“How’s the law practice going?” he asked, staring hard into my eyes.

When I just shrugged, he sighed, which in his vernacular is the same as a scolding. He sighed again, then just said, “It’s your life. Your choice.”

What could I say? Is it really my choice? Can I really abandon my clients who need me? And, what about my law partner husband who still choses to practice?

What about him when he needs help?

These are the choices any professional needs to face when having to make the decision to retire or stay in the arena. But, are they real choices, or are they a product of ego?

Ego—that funny thing inside professionals that lead us to believe our clients can’t make it without us, or our spouses would rather see us work ourselves to death than spend a long happy life together because they need the money we make.

Whoa, dude, maybe I need to re-examine what is really going on. Is it the need for the powerful rush of adrenaline that is making me return to the courtroom, or is it my need to believe I am indispensable?

Hmmm, maybe I need to look at the choices again—focusing on my writing and living the rest of my life in peace, or riding the wave of adrenaline. A choice not as easy as it appears.

Again, stay tuned. . .

ADRENALINE—MY DRUG OF CHOICE

The power surged through my veins and woke up my sleepy brain like a tidal wave over a helpless island. It washed away my sluggishness and awakened my killer instinct—it was war! And I intended to win it!

Unfortunately for me, my heart very quickly thereafter started a rapid tattoo in my chest and though my brain was awake, the rest of me felt the earth shift beneath my feet. I knew I would sliding down into unconsciousness if I didn’t quickly get a deep breath! It could only end in an embarrassment if I didn’t immediately get control over my body.

I was once again in court—the forbidden place my doctor ordered me to resist until he could get a diagnosis as to why my heart was doing a tap-dance in my chest every time I began to engage in battle. Silly doctor, I knew the cause—ADRENALINE—my dearest friend, and now sworn enemy.

Any lawyer who spends their days in court knows the steady diet of a special drug to which we all become addicted—adrenaline. It boosts our power and makes us into “super lawyer—ta da ta da!” while taking away our appetites, driving us to eat sugars and fats, and making us crave caffeine. After more than twenty-nine years in the arena is there any doubt that I was addicted to adrenaline?

But, now, the long decades of depending on my favorite drug and its attendant diet choices were taking its toll. I could no longer exercise my way out of its grip, and could no longer tolerate its affects. It was destroying me, and possibly my heart.

It was time to quit—but cold turkey? Could I really quit, walk away forever? Or could I manage my adrenaline and still got to court? I don’t know. That is the question and I begin my quest to either conquer my addiction, or walk away from my profession forever. . .

As they say—stay tuned.