PATIENCE AND HEART MONITORS

by MARY DE LA PENA, ESQ

AUTHOR of A LAYMAN'S GUIDE TO 

CRIMINAL DEFENSE

Patience has never been one of my virtues. No amount of counting to ten; or trying to find my “happy place”; or even redirecting my attention will calm me once I am focused on a result. The desired result I to which I was aiming that morning as I drove the 70 miles to my doctor was to remove that damnable heart monitor! The one he put on me to find out why my heart was doing salsa dancing in my chest.

The closer I got to my doctor’s office in Long Beach, the more I was aware of the itching beneath my right breast. It was no longer just an itch; it was a raging fire that needed tending—right now!

Maybe it was the tension in my voice, or the scowl on my face, or my resemblance to an angry pit-bull that made the receptionist immediately usher me into a waiting room. Maybe it was just that the test required exactly 24 hours. I don’t know for sure which it really was. But, as soon as I was in the room, the nurse immediately came in, removed the memory chip and batteries. He murmured a quiet, “I’ll be right back to help you with the monitor”.

Like—HELL!

He was no sooner out the door than I was removing the band from around my waist and following each lead-wire up to the connecting spot on my body. As I reached each one, I ripped the offending gluey object from my chest and sighed. Eight leads, eight spots looking like I’d had all-nighter with a hickey-prone lover. But, the relief was almost immediate. 

Ten minutes later the nurse returned as I was using alcohol and a paper towel to remove the offending glue. He stood at the door stunned.

“You removed the monitor yourself?” he asked in not well-hidden disbelief. 

“Of course?” I snapped. “They itched and I needed them off.”

He said nothing, but took the offending monitor from my outstretched hand, turned on his heel and left. I followed him out, but he said nothing as he passed the receptionist.

She looked up at me, handed me a card with the new appointment—two weeks into July! I was supposed to wait two weeks to find out if I had a heart that was doing what it was supposed to do? How could I wait that long?

I started to steam, and my heart did a tattoo in my chest, rapidly jiggering, making me feel faint.

Then it hit me—patience! I needed patience if I was going to survive this new health crisis and my transition from trial attorney to author! Holy moly. Was it really that simple? Was all of this really just about changing my life to stop the stress by learning that simple word?

Hmmm, maybe so. . .            

HEART MONITORS and TRANSITIONING

by Mary de la Pena, author of 

SCRUGGS and SAMANTHA, How a Shelter Dog and Kitten Saved Cinderella's Marriage

The itching located on my right abdomen just beneath my bra was driving me crazy. That was almost overshadowed by the burning pain on my right collar bone. Only twenty-three minutes into a 24 hour torture of wearing a portable heart-monitor and the leads to device were making me a basket case.

GET THESE THINGS OFF ME NOW!

Mind you, it wasn’t the actual monitor, or even that the doctors were still trying to find my heart that I kept telling them the California State Bar required I leave by the door in order to get my Bar Card to practice law, it was my dire allergy to the adhesives used to connect the monitor to my body.

AAARRRGG! Twenty-three hours and thirty-seven minutes to go. . .

Scratch, scratch, scratch, tap, tap, tap, don’t disturb the leads Mary Jo.

How was it that I found myself now in a position of going from one doctor to another as they tested me and prodded me to find out why I was so tired and why my heart was doing rapid salsa dancing in my chest?

Come on, really?

For those of you have ever had to stand in front of a crowd and give a speech, only to feel the floor drop out from beneath you. Or let’s say you have just seen a horrible accident and wondered how you could help, only to be tortured by dreams for days. Or, a favorite friend or loved one finds themselves in desperate trouble and turns to you for help with the burden of finding a way to help them on your shoulders, that, my friend is what being a practicing criminal defense trial attorney is like on daily basis.

Now, after more than twenty-eight years in the courtroom, my body is finally giving out, and no longer willing to take the stress, never mind the steady diet of adrenaline, caffeine, sugar, and fats.

But, I try not to despair, as I transition to a better life and lifestyle. I am trying yoga—does my body really bend that way? Donuts, caffeinated coffee, diet soda, and red meats are no longer my friends and comfort. But, I do have kale, broccoli, fresh green beans, and I am becoming extremely fond of Sabra Hummus.

And, the brightest light of all as I transition to a new life is that I get to spend time with my beloved dogs—Fina and Scruggs; my cats—Samantha and Boo Bear; and of course my dear husband Prince Charming. I also get to spend more time with my favorite fictional characters of my books—Detective Jake Swanson, Melissa Sanchez, and new ones Kelly Landrieu, Prax Desmett, and Jason Carson.

Hmm, so as I itch, scratch, tap and try to be patient, I decide that maybe this transition won’t be so bad—once this damnable heart monitor is removed!

TRANSITIONING IS A BITCH!

by

Mary de la Pena, Esq. also writing as M.J. Hatch

It pulled me from a deep slumber, the sharp pain crushing my chest, spreading up to my throat and grabbing my jaw in a death grip. From there it spread down through my upper abdomen to my groin area, leaving my body in writhing pain.

Holy Christ! Was this the big one?

I tried to breathe through the pain, taking deep breaths, holding them and letting them out slowly. But no matter how much I tried to control my breathing it didn’t help. I took in the air as gasps and let it out in groans. The pain would not be appeased by my lowly attempts to control it with breaths.

I NEEDED AIR!

I staggered out of bed, only to be met with a wave of nausea, my undigested diner from the night before catching in my throat.

“What are the symptoms of a heart attack in women?” I kept asking myself as I staggered to my computer.

A quick perusal of http://Symptomfind.com I found an article by Dr. Tom Iarocci  from October 11, 2013, which gave me the list of symptoms which include:

• ·         Angina: pain, discomfort, pressure or tightness in the middle of the chest that lasts for more than a few minutes or goes away and then comes back; sometimes mistaken for heartburn
• ·         Pain or discomfort in upper body including arms, left shoulder, back, neck, jaw or stomach
• ·         Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath
• ·         Cold sweat or sweating
• ·         Feeling of indigestion, choking or heartburn
• ·         Nausea or vomiting
• ·         Feeling dizzy, light-headed or extremely weak
• ·         Feeling anxious
• ·         Rapid or irregular heart beats

Hmm, close, but was it really a heart attack?

As it turned out, it was a warning shot over my bow.

My heart was reacting to the unrelenting stress of trying to transition from my law practice into being a full time author. I was doing neither well, and the stress of underperforming was wearing on me and my body.

My choice was clear—leave the practice of law—or DIE!

Whoa! Really? The choice was that clear?

Transitions are never easy. The stress of making the choice to make the leap can be incapacitating. Leave what I have known for more than 28 years, a career in which I have been very successful, and jump into a pond with so many wide-eyed dreamers, but with so many broken hearts and broken dreams?  

Today I took the first step. I swallowed my pride and put the courts and clients on notice—I am DONE!  I can’t do it anymore.

Whew—I get cold sweats just thinking about it. But, my heart doesn’t race when I think about the future. My heart remains calm when I write, and most of all no matter how difficult the transition, the alternative when it includes dying is a BITCH!

KNOW THE EARLY WARNING SIGNS!

DETECTIVE JAKE SWANSON: BALBOA PIER, NEWPORT BEACH

SUPERSTITIOUS?

By M.J. Hatch, creator of Detective Jake Swanson and

the Murder Most. . . series of books

It’s funny how sometimes superstitions have a way of intruding unbidden into our daily lives and even our dreams to forestall our aspirations. These beliefs are so strong that sometimes we bring our fears into reality. I found that as I transitioned from attorney to author, that some of these superstitions really got in my way. Do they for you?

We believe that if we spill salt we need to throw some over our left shoulder to either to throw salt into the eye of the Devil, or to placate him with a rare commodity. As to purses on the floor—well, we ladies know that with our purse on the floor we will soon be broke either because the money runs out onto the floor, or because we have disrespected the funds. In either case, we are taught to BEWARE!

Within the last year I have come face-to-face with another superstition that seems to be haunting the Detective Jake Swanson TV series—don’t talk about something until the deal is signed because it will dissipate the good fortune!

ARRRGGG! Guilty, guilty, guilty! I was so excited to share with everyone the excitement of bringing my favorite character to life that I completely blew by the constant warnings of my husband not to talk about something until it is brought to fruition. Ever since I began blogging about the possibility of the series weird things have happened to stall it. (Oh, that’s another blog, so stay tuned for that)

So, no more updates about TV, but rather let me introduce you to the characters in the Murder Most. . . series of books, #Murder Most Blonde; and #Murder Most Judgmental; with Murder Most Merry coming in early in 2016.

#Detective Jake Swanson and his partner Melissa Sanchez people these books, with the city of #Newport Beach being the main character—because who doesn’t like to laugh and point at the foibles of the very rich and wished-they-were rich? Join them and the others of the Newport Beach Police Department as they traverse this über wealthy city by the bay catching the rich doing incredibly vile things, including #murder.

Stay tuned, as they say, it’s going to be a great journey.